I spent my days studying pages and pages of internet lore about the best way to do this or that. I bought ever book on the subject (okay, all the ILLUSTRATED ones). I mastered the art of the 2 minute orgasm (bow before me). I spent some time as a Lesbian and I learned to say fuck me without actually saying "fuck me" (tact Dria, tact). And then I married a gay man.
How could I, a woman with a wonderful gift, have ended up with a gay man? Simple. He was a challenge. It's a difficult job to please a man who will never be sexually excited by your presence. It's a challenge to keep it interesting enough for him to give you consistant sex. But it's something that NO woman will ever overcome. The choices are simply #1 Leave or #2 Be sexless.
So, my confidence was so low. I was quite certain that EVERYONE on the planet was having better sex than me. I studied more. I pulled out the books. I read the websites. I watched hours of porn. And I decided to become a lesbian. The best Lesbian I could be. I can do things with this tongue that will convert any woman who gives me 2 minutes to prove it. The thing is, women are fun. They're great to play with but they just don't do 'IT' for me. The sex is great... but not deeply fulfilling (and I know what you're thinking.. even with silicone intervention it's not me).
So, I met Bryon. WOW. Just.. WOW. #1 It IS possible for a man to keep up with me. #2 It IS possible for a man to teach me something new. #3 It IS possible to reach a point where there is no more screaming... b/c either my voice is gone or my brain is unable to make it work. I know, HATE me, HATE him... I don't care. I couldn't figure out WHY fate stashed him in such a horrible place... until I realized... if he were anywhere near civilization he would already be a porn star or have his own harem.
Why did this all come up you ask? Because... I had to explain for the 100th time 'what happened on your weekend' and I think this sums it up. Those of you that love me know about my affliction (and half of you have tried to get a piece of it at one point or another!)